Get Your Stats Here

Apologies for the formatting on this, I'll try to get it in a better, more user-friendly presentation but for now these are your stats. In a twist surprising absolutely no one, Rickey has been killing it in all major categories. Game recap to come, probably tomorrow afternoon.

N.B.: Please, do not text me unless you see an absolutely egregious mistake somewhere. I've stressed before the importance of keeping a clean book. These numbers reflect what your teammates have written down there. If you think there's a mistake, bring it up with them, or keep book yourself! Sorry but I had to say it. :)

29ERS Hack Back, Stay Ahead of the Pack

Ah, boys. The return of good weather, great vibes, and an uninterrupted series of wins. Anyone else ready for our rematch with the Dealers yet or what? It's a pretty hard life up here on the hill in times like these, just sitting here shirtless, sipping on a gLuTEn-fReE cider, procrastinating doing anything actually productive or worthwhile until the Giants are on in a couple hours. Yup, hard times, these.

And speaking of hard times, eh, how about the uh, hard ... time ... DJ gave the Beers, right guys?! Okay, okay, I'm an idiot, we all know this. But did any of you really think DJ was gonna go out there and throw seven innings of two run ball? Yeah, sure, maybe you thought he'd hit every single person in their lineup (plus I think he pegged a guy in the on-deck circle plus at least one of the Beers' girlfriends) but STILL. And, if you're gonna plunk any team in the league, there's no team that will take it better than the Oakland Beers. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

***

Why don't we take a quick minute to vote? I'm all about democracy and the people's voice being heard, even though I use this blog as mainly a vehicle to basically shout my own opinions about everything at you guys. It's important to me what YOU think. Now . . .

2017 SEASON SICKEST MOMENT SO FAR

All right, so, the game itself started great. Well I got gunned out at the plate on a double play in the first and then DJ beaned Chad with his first pitch BUT BESIDE THAT it started out great. After waiting for what seemed like all morning and probably past noon for our esteemed, sandwich-toting manager to roll in, we got his motivational speech. Was it better than anything Pence ever concocted? Well, no, not at all but it got the lineup pumped. Miles fearlessly asked us all to become

Mmmm. Hackers. Sure, I thought. Hack away, I thought. But Miles had tapped into something primal and raw and urgent in this lineup and didn't shy away from trusting his plums. And it's like I say after every pitch, trust your plums.

With that vague and frankly usually outlandish advice, we hacked. Oh, we hacked, all right. It was a hit parade and a sound game almost all around (Scott might still be caught between third and home as I'm typing this) and I'm proud of you guys. DJ. Gantz. The new Flesh Bat. Calm was restored in the land of 29erdom. But before we get to why you're all really here, let's take a moment to appreciate our new weekly feature, where you'll find a more on-the-field, players' perspective. I present to you:

This has been this week's Andy's Corner.

First, we start with a special shout-out for our Allstate® "ur in good hands"® Great Hands of the Game awarded to Alex Williamson for his bizarrely effective swing on a pitch that nearly ran inside and hit his back foot. I've never seen anything like it and I don't know where he learned it. It was I guess sort of almost comparable to like, a kid pretending to wield a lightsaber while he's, you know, making the whooshing sounds with his own mouth but, I dunno, an adult version of that. On a baseball field. It went for an impressively clean single and Al jogged to first base with the beautiful "I meant to do that" composure we've all come to love him for. With Al, you are in good hands™.

This brings us to the next weekly award, and I'm not gonna lie, it was a tough one. It's kept me up nights, the agonizing. But in the end, the choice made itself: The Legend® by Bob Marley and the Wailers 30th Anniversary Edition [Tri-Color 2 LP] (4 1/2 stars on Amazon.com) PLAY OF THE GAME was Bobby's leaping snag of a smoked liner of the bat of a Beer.

Friends, it's always important after an error to, let's see, how do I want to put this in my own words, okay got it, emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. I've always tried to teach you guys my original and totally personal philosophy that none but ourselves can free our minds. So after Bobby made a low throw for an error after a tough hop when he had plenty of time, I understood what he was going through. You never want to make your pitcher throw more pitches than they have to, especially a guy making his first start. So when the next batter tried to scream one over the Tan One's reach . . . redemption. Sweet, sweet redemption.

***Runners Up included Al's sick ranging catch in right and then throw on the run to second base where Rickey "stretched" to double up the runner and complete the double play. And of course Rickey's  dive on the low liner up the middle that actually required real stretching, not just what your dad calls a stretching.***

I won't waste your time with any build up here in this next section. The 1996 Jeep Classic "Yeah, it's a bumpy ride and gets terrible gas mileage but still gets the job done" DRIVE OF THE GAME: Mine this time. I never thought I'd type it. I don't think I ever had a DotG. Everyone else kinda covers that one and I sort of tally up my singles and hope for a semi-respectable batting average at the end of the year. My first triple in a real, non-All-Star game. And that it cleared the loaded bases? AND that I almost lapped Scott, meeting him eye-to-eye and seeing, staring back at me, the confused and lost visage of a headlit deer? Well, yeah. I'll remember this one for a long time. I still haven't taken off my jock, despite the rash and dark putrid cheese that's begun to form around its fetid strap's edges. Hey, that's baseball, right, guys?!

I have to give a quick shout to Pat, too, for his own stand-up triple. The two of us have been pretty consistent in the past and both had been off to slow starts. Here's to hoping we've both turned a corner, and that when that corner is turned, Scott's not there to friggin' block you from continuing.

:)

And here we are. The 70th track on the US Billboard Hot 100 in June, 2007, and the second single from UGK's fifth studio album Underground Kingz's International Players Anthem (I Choose You) PLAYER OF THE GAME: DJ Honeycutt. Man, you got to love this guy's effort. I was tempted to blurt it out up top but I wanted to make sure everyone stayed for the whole jam. I showed up on Saturday at Lowell at (kid you not) 11.01AM and DJ was already there, cutting it up with Mackey Beers. His baseball bag (AND beers!) were already set nicely in the dugout. He clearly hadn't just arrived. You're not able to notice this kind of effort unless you show up on time, but dude was actually early. I'm often trivially late in my day-to-day life so I'm no saint of punctuality normally, but this gets my attention. Do you need/want my attention? Well, no, but this gets it, anyway. 

When we finally got official confirmation that DJ was getting the start, there was a bit of an excitement running through the dugout, I'm telling you. I don't need to, you were there, but I'm telling you. Then we were told to HACK. It was a good start. And it ended with him getting one of these:

Pray to the game ball gods and you, too, could end up with one of these collecting dust in a random corner next to a dirty sock and a warm beer can with a cigarette butt perched on it

Sure, he hit everyone including a couple fans and a can lady who was just trying to live but still. Seven solid innings, a focused mound presence that you'd think was coming from a veteran, and the hits, well, the hits must be acknowledged. I again don't have the book somehow, but I think he went something like 4-6 and the two outs he hit were rockets, too. Keep it up, Deej, and stay hot.

***

This is what your equipment manager was doing while "coaching" third base. Next time he busts balls, remind him of this picture. 

That said, if you really do know what the hell you're doing out there, party on. This is for experienced coaches only.

***

Ah, /cracks knuckles, time to wrap this thing u—wait, what? Another new weekly feature you say? Oh, right, you don't want to end up here, buddy. The end of the baseball road, the weekly underworld spun with a fine gossamer of bitter swirling winds made up of, uh, game-used jocks and old sunflower shells. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here, etc. It's the . . .

. . .and our special guest this week is Scott. The funky baserunning (ignoring Miles' windmill sending him home) wasn't enough. Oh, no. You had to go and self-props, didn't you? "You guys see those blocked balls?" We did, Scott, we did. We had to. And they were nice. But you went and self-propped, Scott.

Scott, after the first blocked ball, on his way to the BoB

But you didn't stop there. We asked you to call "Balls in" and "Coming down" at the same time. But you didn't like that. An air of sass slowly drifted from behind home plate, mingling briefly with the packed down dirt and geese shit surrounding all of us, toward second. An off baserunning decision. More self-props. Scott was gonna need help getting down here.

Scott, after the second round of self-props, making damn sure he was down here . . .

Of course, I kid. I wouldn't roast you if I didn't like you. But do try to avoid the dungeon down here. It's cold, and moist.

***

All right, this weekend we got Cleaners. Try to get a good BP in on Wednesday if you can, working on that bat speed. Supposedly they grew another ringer out of whatever they got over there in the Richmond and you can bet he'll face us. Will Miles want us patient or hacking? We'll have to wait to find out. A gritty 5-1, boys. Great work.

NEXT GAME

Sunday 28 May

29ERS

@

Richmond Cleaners

Noon, Big Rec

That. Is. Right.

29ERS Over Beers After Close Late Innings

Yeah, I'll take that. I'll take that almost every time. Enough of an early lead to relax the dugout, followed by some nail-biting-ish quasi-excitement towards the end. It got juuust close enough that I felt the ol' jock tighten a smidge, but it's like I always say, "If your jock's not tight, you're playing too loose." But it probably just means you need to do a wash. DJ . . . do a wash.

DJ riding toward the laundromat, bats tucked snugly behind him

I gotta give some credit to the grit the Beers showed, too. Most of you know how easy it is to get down after giving up an early lead, especially a lead that's been manufactured by errors (I don't think there was an RBI until the sixth run came in), but they rallied back at us. Zack pitched well, often navigating The News' Alan's bizarre strike zone (ball zone?) while limiting the hard contact and getting, *cough*, occasional help from his infield (more on that later). That is, until they started tagging the ball, and they did. On Saturday we'll be on their turf, and that really is where they like to swing it. 

The hole there. That's it. That's the strike zone. Just the hole, nothing else. Hole.

Miles came in, and, bless him, Miles went out. This, no, this I can't say was the umpire's fault. Some days you just don't clock into the office right. 'Sappens. It was a disappointment in some small way that the game got as close as it did because I think many of us were ready for DJ to make his pitching debut. I'm down to see it in a close game, too, because why not. I love the predictability of winning as much as the next 29er but you know you'd get a little giddy (McCauly might even get a lil boner) if things were shaken up a bit.

Bobby came in and quieted things down with a nine-out (?) save for his seventh in five games. It's possible, folks, just trust me on this one. He also started a clean 5-4-3 on a hard-hit ball down the line off a backhand. I don't have the book so I can't say exactly who did what and to whom or when but I can crack off a couple of highlights, starting with . . .

SURPRISING NOBODY the Spitz® brand Sunflower Seeds Big Bag™ Cracked Pepper Flavored PLAY OF THE GAME: You ... you knew it was going to come down to this. In the first inning, James Sinclair hit the exact same up the middle low screamer and I dove for it, knocking it down and then "throwing" it like how I would imagine a tipped cow might throw a baseball "toward" first base. 

That ... did not turn out how it looks in my mind before I go to sleep and pray to the lil baseball angels to turn me into Brandon Phillips. Or Javi Baez. Shit, I'll even take Brandon Hicks I'm really not picky but just anyone who can make that play. I got a chance to redeem myself, and by extension, all of us, really, a few innings later when Chad was on first and James again hits the quick low two-hopper just right of the second base bag. I reached out and in an instant couldn't believe it was in my glove but the feeling fleeted WHEN THE BALL MAJESTICALLY FLOATED FROM MY GLOVE TO RICKEY'S. Rickey throws onto first, James throws his helmet. 

Sometimes it's fun to rob guys you like, but let me tell you, NOBODY likes hitting into double plays. Even if they're (the double plays) as goddam sexy as that one was. We even got a "FUCK YOU, Rickey . . . fuck you, too, Ray" from the Beers dugout. Usually that means the 29ers have done good things.

***

The Toyota Corolla "Let's Go Places" DRIVE OF THE GAME: You saw it, and you friggin loved it. Miles absolutely crushed a ball for a stand-up triple into the right-centerfield gap. That ball was nutted, annihilated, rocked, popped, as Miles might say, EEUUGGHHhhgHG'd, roped. I've seen plenty of you guys hit balls hard, but this one got small very, very quickly. At Willard that's a home run. I need to mention that he pulled the ball, too. Miles' pulled ball season counter is now at: 1. Keep it up, skip.

***

No player of the game this time. Team effort, all that. But I want to tell you guys, if you like this #content, keep a good book. Put a star or a little circle on especially noteworthy at-bats. If you're in the dugout and someone makes an incredible play in the field, make a note of the inning and who hit it. Not only am I usually in the field and don't carry a notebook in my back pocket but I'm usually a sixer deep by the time the 7th rolls around. Help me help you. 

 Beers again next week. Let's get it. I'm starting the official lobby for a DJ start right now, with a little Gantz sprinkled in. Let that gather some momentum til Saturday. And have a good practice tonight. I'm mired in papers and finals for the time being. But for now it's time to switch on that Giants game.

NEXT GAME

Saturday 20 May

@

The Oakland Beers

12 Noon /// Lowell Park

/Extremely monster truck voice AND IT'S GONNA BE A SCORCHER

One last thing, because the Beers ALSO have both red jerseys and grey jerseys and have not committed to any kind of systemic way of when they wear which, bring both your GREY AND YOUR RED jerseys on Saturday and we'll wear whichever color they're not wearing. It's happened before where everyone's in the same red jersey and it sucks. You don't know who's a baserunner and who is Cam playing right field for the other team. (Jk.)

I . . . I am . . . alive

Oh sure you all thought you you'd gotten rid of me, of course. Well you will soon enough, anyway. For now I need to torture you all just a few more times before you really make sure I can't "blog" again. You could go the easy route and break my wrists but then I'd just use the Mark DeRosa-approved Dragon NaturallySpeaking speech recognition software cuz it's like I always say every friggin game and practice, "Mark DeRosa is such a naughty naughty boy."

I want to say now that I hope Saturday's date with the Beers is a potential mine of tasty gems to write about because I'm not coming up with much about the Brians win. I mean, I could write too much about the three double plays and Bobby's great outing but at it certain point it becomes gross fanfic so if you don't mind too much, please give me a great game in two days. I beg you. This is . . . all I have left. I have nothing without it.

Hey also, don't come waltzing in expecting to all play the hero. The Beers just beat the News (handily) and were spraying balls (uh, yeah sorry) all over the frickin field. AND last time they beat the News then played us afterward we got our asses beat. So show some respect.

Last thing: I want everyone to make BC feel incredibly ashamed for breaking a bat he didn't buy and refusing to replace it. Boo him, throw rotten fruit or like, discarded and/or wet sunflower seed shells at him (the kind that stick annoyingly and for too long to just off your lip), hiss in his direction, shit I don't care but come on. I know none of you would do that, right?? Good boys.

NEXT GAME

SATURDAY 13 MAY

VS

OAKLAND BEERS

Crocker 12 Noon