I also don't believe for one single second that they "just happen to know" all these unsmiling, unjoyous automatons. These guys are the amalgamation of every 80s movie bully you've ever seen, come to life, unflinchingly throwing baseballs past the league's lineups while The Cleaners' very own defense sits on its heels, doing nothing, looking dumb.
Did you notice that almost no one on the Cleaners defense even gets in the ready position? Did you fucking notice that? I did. They're like, "Why even bother?"
It's gotta be great to play behind one of these guys, man.
I mean, really though. Think of all the people you know. Think of the all the people you know who would be willing to commit to the admittedly arduous PCHL season. Like, make most the games, not even all the games; most of the games. How many people do you have in your mind? Now, how good are they at baseball? As good as more than half the guys on that Cleaners squad?
Am I supposed to believe that by total stupid coincidental luck, the members of the Cleaners all just so happen to know a dude who, yeah man, I mean, I think he might be able to come out and play, I'll ask him, lemme see, OH SHIT yeah dude I meant to tell you he's pretty good, like he wants to pitch mostly, is that cool? And, so, what? This just happened like, five or six times to all the current players? They phoned-a-friend? While the shitty/cool/interesting players they used to have had the common sense to distance themselves from whatever the Cleaners are trying to become now?
The Cleaners players themselves have become so desensitized by the league's completely justified constant complaints season after season that they just demure, look away, offer a wave of a hand and a knowing, pathetic, sad snicker when you confront them. They kick dirt absently, clearly embarrassed but feigning a kind of toughness.
And I'd like to touch on that totally affected, "tough" veneer of having a, in Boof's words, "kinda honest, sorta working class vibe . . . you know? It's like a mixture of musicians, construction workers, and people who work in restaurants. But those are my friends, you know?" I'd at least point out that there is nothing at all honest about the way they are managed. They elected to bat a 10-man lineup and deliberately sit long-term, albeit very bad, players in order to give more at bats to the rabid "mixture" they've concocted over there in the Richmond. How honest is that? Who does that?
Paul Bonanos. Their bench coach, I guess he is. He does that.
I pulled some quotes of his from the short PCHL documentary that Jason Maze of the Beers made. In a way, I wish I hadn't told you he said these things because otherwise you really would've have absolutely no inclination that they'd escaped his mouth.
- "It's way more important to have good relationships than hostility around the diamond, and a lot of more competitive leagues get that way."
- "Our league has never really said no to giving someone of very limited skill a shot. I've seen some people out there who really haven't spent much time swinging a bat above Little League, and hadn't done it in a long time, and they did just fine."
- "It's a reason to do something healthy on Sundays."
And while I can't argue that these all sound like very nice things to say, if you know anything about the Cleaners at all, you know this is all dogshit. Utter dogshit. Perhaps the league has never said no to giving a novice a chance, but Cleaners management certainly has.
Fuck them.
And in the total off chance that any of them Google their team and somehow end up on this page, know that these are my opinions, Ray's. I play second base. I'm not writing for my team, although it wouldn't surprise me if many of them feel the same way. In fact, I know some of them do. Same as I know a hell of a lot of people IN THE ENTIRE LEAGUE feel the same way.
You see, it was different with the 29ers when we got good. Our talent was horizontally integrated. Everyone on our team had some skill, sure some more than others, but everybody brought something to the table. This guy got on base a lot, that guy had good outfield range, this other guy can hit the ball very far. But we always had the decency to pitch fucking normal dudes.
The Cleaners went out and fucked all that up. They have a vertically integrated team. That's where a few dudes (although their roster of ringers now is at like, what? Five?) have all the talent, and use it to subvert not only the opponent, but their own god damn teammates as well. When a pitcher is that good, he doesn't give his defense anything to do. And he doesn't give anything for the batter to do. The talent isn't spread around at all.
And I guess that's the kind of league Boof and Paul and whoever else run that shitshow envision.
To which I say fuck that.
PLAY OF THE GAME: Mike's insane ranging over-the-shoulder, though it was more just like over-the-body, catch on one of their smashers' little foul floaters. Just threw that first baseman's glove out there at the perfectly-timed moment and snagged it right at the end. I had a front row seat for it and felt like I needed to rub my eyes afterward.
DRIVE OF THE GAME (What does Scott even drive?): Scott's very sick oppo line drive. It was the only really hard-hit ball off Whatever His Name Was (despite someone yapping about how "hittable" he is. Ugh ...) and it moved Cam from first to third and looked set to start a rally when . . .
BOTTOM OF THE GDMF BLOG: Goddammit Cam. Seriously bro? Our only start at a rally and you go and get picked off on third? I'm sorry man I know I'm supposed to be going easy on new guys but I really suggest you spend some time on YouTube looking at baserunning videos cos that's a real area in your game that needs like, great and very quick improvement. I say it out of love for the team and no, that's not the reason we lost, but dude. You gotta get that shit together.
I suck at batting and don't even get on base anyway so it's not like I'm perfect. But I gotta call this stuff out when it's becoming truly problematic.
See you all tonight. Stats tomorrow.
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